We’ve long known that human connection is a key ingredient of well-being. Yet increasingly, our society’s connections are coming undone. A recent article in the Atlantic reported that Americans are spending less and less time in one another’s company. And while the trend was evident across all age groups, it was most pronounced among teens. Between the years of 2003 and 2022, face-to-face socializing among teenagers fell by more than 45 percent.
The pandemic explains some of this erosion. When the shutdowns occurred in 2020, people everywhere, and young people in particular, were thrown into silos of isolation. In many ways Americans have bounced back from the worst of the pandemic as the crisis recedes from memory. But its effects linger, and the continued social and psychological impacts on young people are some of the most worrisome. For many young people, the lack of face-to-face interaction that was imposed by the pandemic intensified their mental health struggles and diminished their social skills at an age when they were still developing.
And yet, just as the current mental health crisis among our youth predates the pandemic, so too do these social trends. Rather than an instigator, the pandemic served as an intensifier, like fuel thrown on a fire. A number of experts believe the centrality of screens in the lives of young people is playing a significant part in the crisis of anxiety, depression, and loneliness among adolescents.
Teenage Social Skills and the Need for In-Person Interactions
From the beginning of life, social connections shape and influence us so that we mature as social creatures. Through interactions with family members and, later, with peers, children develop a whole host of skills they’ll use for the rest of their lives – capacities such as behavioral and emotional regulation, feelings of connection and caring for others, self-confidence, and the ability to understand how their actions and behaviors affect others. These and many other essential human capacities are developed through interpersonal interactions. Much of figuring out how to behave with others is learned “on the job”; skills are picked up through the countless face-to-face experiences that until recently were the very fabric of teenage life.
The social psychologist Jonathan Haidt notes that a “child’s brain is already 90 percent of its adult size by about age 6. The next 10 or 15 years are about learning norms and mastering skills—physical, analytical, creative, and social.” As youth spend less and less time with each other and more time online, teenage social skills can atrophy.
Strong social connections aren’t simply a nice thing to have. They contribute to well-being and to a full and meaningful life. Research has found that young people who have strong relationships with peers have better social and emotional functioning than those their age who are more isolated. Having teenage friends is also strongly associated with well-being and with school connectedness.
The Costs of Replacing Face Time with Screens
A recent poll of more than 1,500 American teens found that just over half spend at least four hours a day using social media apps such as YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, and X (formerly Twitter). The time they spent on social media each day ranged from 4.1 hours o as much 5.8 hours – and that’s just social media, leaving out other forms of screen time. Social media use is generally higher among girls, which many believe is linked to higher levels of depression and anxiety, while boys tend to spend more time playing video games.
For young people with anxiety, spending time engaging with screens instead of in-person interactions that might trigger discomfort can serve as a short-term solution. But over the long term, avoidance tends to reinforce and exacerbate anxiety; it’s a solution that ends up making the situation worse. Thus while a 2022 Pew Research Center poll found that 65% of teenagers preferred in-school learning to remote or hybrid, nearly a third preferred learning at home, in a remote setting where their anxieties aren’t triggered. The cost, however, is diminished social connection – and often loneliness.
Social media apps do have the potential to foster connection rather than erode it. This is especially true for young people who might otherwise be isolated. But it’s when kids use screens to replace in-person interactions rather than complement them that they risk worsening their mental health. Researchers emphasize the need for balance. “Friendships and relationships are very important in adolescence,” said Adam Hoffman, an assistant professor of psychology at Cornell University. Social media “can really only supplement, and cannot replace, in-person relationships. We need to have both of these.”
A study on teenage loneliness found that between 2012 and 2018 – well before the pandemic – adolescent loneliness increased in 36 out of the 37 countries analyzed. The research included more than a million 15- and 16-year-olds and found a direct relationship between loneliness and the use of smart phones and the internet, and the data appeared to suggest a dose-response relationship. Another study of Belgian adolescents during the covid-19 pandemic found that social media engagement did seem to ease anxiety but was less successful at easing their feelings of loneliness.
Increasingly, young people themselves are aware of the negative effects of too much screen time. The fact that a significant majority of teens prefer in-person learning suggests that many kids feel the lack of in-person experiences. A recent article in the Wall Street Journal reported on a wave of people in their 20s who are abandoning TikTok because of its extremely addictive nature. The young people featured in the article noted that the constant engagement with the app was not only affecting their grades and their work performance but also their friendships and other relationships. Quitting the app has been an important step toward strengthening those essential ties.
How to Promote Healthy In-Person Interactions
The influence of technology is pervasive, and the addictive nature of the internet can be hard enough for adults to resist, let alone young people, whose brains are still forming and thus are especially vulnerable to its allure – yet who also stand the most to lose. That’s why it’s up to adults to help young people reclaim their offline selves. This is necessarily a joint effort, involving schools, educators, and families.
School Policies That Support Teenage Social Skills
At their most extreme, anxiety and a preference for screens can lead kids to avoid school altogether. But many anxious students do show up at school but may remain withdrawn, both in learning situations and socially. Schools can help these young people feel more connected.
Create Phone-Free Spaces
One simple way to foster greater connection and in-person interactions is to restrict devices at school. Across the country schools are implementing policies restricting phone use during the school day – whether banning phones in the building altogether or placing limits on their use. According to data from the National Center for Education, during the 2019-20 school year, 76.9% of U.S. schools prohibited phone use during school hours for non-academic purposes.
As reported in EdWeek, last May Florida enacted a new law prohibiting students’ use of cellphones during instructional time, and one high school teacher said the change has been entirely positive. “Our kids are way more engaged. The apathy that we had seen from them in the last year to two years has seemed to wane. They seem more like they’re waking back up to a social experience.”
A superintendent in Washington, in a district where smartphone restrictions are now in their second year, says the kids are happy with the policy and are less stressed without their phones: “Students don’t have to think about who is liking their social media posts or worry about someone making fun of what they’re wearing and posting it on social media.”
It’s crucial that parents support school policies like these, and that districts work with families to get their buy-in. One Florida superintendent said that when the new rules were implemented, some parents expressed worry about not being able to contact their kids. To address their concerns, the district assured parents that if they needed to reach their children, they could do so through the student information system or by contacting the school’s office.
Include Social-Emotional Learning
Knowing how to make friends as a teenager, knowing how to interact with peers, understanding complex feelings, and managing behavior are just some of the skills that are bolstered by social-emotional learning (SEL). Prior to the pandemic, many schools limited SEL to younger students. But as noted in EdWeek, increasingly that’s changing: “In 2020, 38 percent of district leaders said their district placed a lot of emphasis on SEL in grades 6-8, and 31 percent said the same for grades 9-12.” But just two years later, in 2022, those numbers were much higher. “Fifty-six percent of district leaders said their district placed a lot of focus on SEL in middle school, and 53 percent said that was the case in their high schools.”
Weaving SEL into the middle school and high school curriculum at a time when so many adolescents are struggling with anxiety, loneliness, and social skills can help foster awareness, understanding, and greater skill and flexibility in their social and emotional lives.
Create Inclusive Classrooms
We want all students to be active, engaged members of their classroom communities. While anxiety and other mental health challenges are prevalent among all youth populations, they are more common among LGBTQ youth and kids of color. When teachers create inclusive classrooms where all students feel welcome and respected – and where there is zero tolerance for bullying of any kind – all young people can feel more at ease and a greater sense of connection with the school community.
Create Lower-Stakes Ways to Engage
Other ways to support anxious students include assigning kids to work in pairs or small groups. These formations help students contribute and participate while alleviating the performance pressure anxious students feel when speaking in front of the whole class. Teachers might also find low-key ways to reward anxious students for contributing to group activities.
More Face Time, Less Screen Time at Home
Helping young people cultivate in-person connections can be a whole-family undertaking – and it may entail parents and caregivers reducing how much time they spend looking at screens themselves. It won’t work to ask kids to limit their screen time if adults aren’t willing to do the same.
Surgeon General Vivek Murthy is a passionate advocate for children’s mental health, and increasingly that includes fostering a healthy relationship with devices. Murthy advises that parents talk openly with their kids about their screen time and to create a family media plan to help kids balance their screen time. He suggests creating “tech-free zones,” such as mealtimes and other in-person gatherings. He also advises restricting the use of electronics before bed and throughout the night, a critical step in ensuring kids get enough sleep. Fundamentally, Murthy wants parents to empower their kids to understand the pros and the cons of time spent online and to learn to make their own responsible choices.
If kids are used to spending long hours online, some may need help finding new ways to fill that time. Families might listen to an audiobook or a podcast together. Parents can encourage their kids to join clubs, sports, or take part in student government. Research suggests that adolescents are primed to want to make a difference and that doing so increases their sense of self-efficacy and well-being. Helping kids find an appropriate volunteer opportunity can enable them to connect with peers while they make a difference in their community.
The emotional lives of teenagers have never been more complicated. The pervasiveness of screens only adds to the challenges today’s kids face. But adults can help adolescents develop a healthy relationship with their devices and to discover the many rewards of engaging with the world and developing in-person social connections.
